Hot Mess by Lexie Wolf

The past few weeks have felt like a hot mess, my friends.

Not terrible — just…messy.

Certainly hot. (If you’re reading this Wednesday—hooray, it’s the last day of the “heat dome,” allegedly.)

The weather adds this background buzz of unease. First we had those intense storms and strange rains, then the extreme heat, and now it’s that sticky, oppressive kind of hot that feels like it’s seeping into everything. There’s fear in the background too, about the frequency of these extreme weather events. If I liked the word should—which I don’t—I’d say this climate anxiety should be in the foreground all the time.

All around me, it feels like little pieces of life are floating in circles instead of falling into place. I reach out to catch one and it laughs, floats away. Projects undone, thoughts unfinished, missing pieces nowhere to be found. Maybe I’m trying to do and be too many things at once. Which makes it feel like I can’t finish anything at all.

Unfocused. A bit frazzled. A swarm of small resistances. Ever have stretches like that?

When I get into this kind of energy, the solution is counterintuitive and sometimes hard to bring myself to implement: Stop chasing. Slow down. The more I chase the messy bits and try to force them into order, the more they scatter.

And when I’m in this doing-chasing mode, that’s when my practices tend to slip away—which only makes the unease louder. That’s where I’ve been this past week.

So instead of chasing, today I’m going to get quiet and still. If it weren’t a thousand degrees outside I’d take a walk in the woods. Thank goodness for the practices that are always available no matter the weather outside or even the weather inside.

Sitting meditation can be challenging when my brain is like this, but instead of trying to clear my mind I use a mantra to focus the mind or count my breath. Kriya breathwork clears the brain fog beautifully. Asana (movement practice) - especially led by someone else - gives me structure and ease—all I have to do is show up in the mat.

All the things might still be there when I’m done. But I perceive them differently. From “hot mess” to challenges and maybe even opportunities.